He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize