home. puking in laundry basket.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
