I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
