I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
