I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
