I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
