I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just high enough for therapy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
