Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
