She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
