i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
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