You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
