mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
why is half of my head shaved?
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