The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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