whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
