this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
