Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
