four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
