I hate all girls vehemently.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
