so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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