Got a toothbrush?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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