He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
