Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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