Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
