There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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