We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
