You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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