At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
