dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
