Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize