he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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