hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
