good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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