Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize