can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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