How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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