Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
