You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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