RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
