Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
