Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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