They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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