I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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