Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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