I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
