pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize