Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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