why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize