The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
