threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
