what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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