Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
