Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
