Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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