You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
