are you so shy because you have an std?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
