Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
