Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
