My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
