I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
