I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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