I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
