I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
