Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
