I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
