hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
