Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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