I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
