Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
