I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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