I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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