Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
