Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
