I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Your cock deserves a montage
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
