the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you would pick up someone in the library
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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