My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
