We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
