hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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