Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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