Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
