handjob tips. give me some.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
