Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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