a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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